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Making friends drift away and sticking to your dreams

Making friends drift away and sticking to your dreams
By Shivan Sivakumaran • Issue #75 • View online
Kia ora e hoa,
Again, I’m confusing the purpose of my content. A blog post about what I’m going to say is too much of a heavy lift to set up so I’m just going to say it here.
I want to share a quick story with you, which provides you with some value.
Recently, I’ve become a little bit too confident with my goals and dreams. It has come to a point where I’ve made friends uncomfortable. So, I do apologise in advance.
One example is when I was talking to a friend about possibly creating content around salary negotiations. They were in a similar situation with applying for a new job. When I told them about this plan, it wasn’t met with enthusiasm.
The friend thought that the content would be useless because confident people already know how to negotiate but the shy person will look at this resource and never use it. So, why attract attention to myself?
Unknowingly to the other person, the conversation was more beneficial because they described two people:
  1. The confident ones who already negotiate salary before undertaking a job.
  2. The shy ones are happy to accept what they get.
Let’s really dive into the pain points of this ‘shy’ individual. Let’s think bigger because we are capable of that.
The shy person becomes my avatar (an ideal audience member to centre content around). The shy person uses gratitude as a coping mechanism to be OK with mediocrity. They know they are undervalued but don’t want to admit it. They secretly want to be like the more confident person.
Lack of salary negotiation is only a symptom. The problem for the ‘shy’ individual extends even deeper. It stems from self-belief, self-worth, and self-identity. The resentment of what the world has dealt them when in fact everything is within their control.
Personally, these are all issues that I face and am wanting to change. And I can share this journey of overcoming this with others on a platform.
So, my special friend deserves thanks.
How does this benefit you?
If you are trying to make a change, you will always come across disagreement. When it’s your friends, it hurts.
It’s a classic crab in a bucket or a stomped tall poppy.
I’m reminded about the tweet by @mrdbourke (see below). If you are coming to grips with a difficult truth, everyone will feel uncomfortable with it.
But what drives me is this fear of a mediocre life, a life full of regret and filled with what-could-have-been is far far worse.
So I come back to my sayings or mantras:
  • You fail when you decide to quit
  • Those who support you are wind in your sail. Those who do not support you are also wind in your sail. Prove them wrong.
  • You achieve what you believe as long as you’re willing to put in the hard work
In beginning it’s difficult, there is already resistance and you (or in my case), have little evidence of success. There is insecurity. The defensiveness can be combated by yet another mind-shift change: the story of your success came from nothing.
I don’t know what the future will hold. I can keep the doors open for friends and family but I have to be comfortable in their disagreement and even their leaving. You will have to be too if you decide to take this road. Maybe that opens up space for new friends who align better with your goals.
Feel free to share this or any content with anyone who you would think will benefit. Thanks for reading and talk soon.
Ngā mihi nui, Shivan

Daniel Bourke
@ShivSivakumaran Every life is unconventional

There’s as much above and below you/me as the next person

New friends/old friends are a reflection of yourself

If you’re unstable or coming to terms with a new truth, they’ll feel the same
  1. Podcast The Diary of A CEO — How To Fix Your Focus & Stop Procrastinating: Johann Hari Facebook came up with the idea of short video content but decided to not implement it because of its negative effects. Tiktok then adopted the idea — a perfect example of if you don’t do it, someone else will.
When patients say "Why Are Glasses So EXPENSIVE?"
When patients say "Why Are Glasses So EXPENSIVE?"
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Shivan Sivakumaran

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